Business Writing

When "Customer Service" Letters Undercut Bankers

To whoever writes the customer letters for "Deposit Operations" at our large bank:

Please stop writing letters that contain:

• Requests for documentation without saying what the necessary documentation is (especially when the customer has already provided documentation).
• 24/7 phone numbers to call, at which the service representatives do not know how to handle the issue.
• Expressions such as "if you are a business" for personal (non-business) accounts and "if you are an individual" for business accounts. I would like to think that my bank can tell my personal accounts from my business account. 
• Menacing statements such as "If we do not receive this requested documentation, the Deposit Account referenced above and any other Deposit Accounts, Service Agreements and IRA Plans you have opened with _______ [bank name] on or since October 1, 2003, will be closed." Do you really want to suggest that approach for your long-term customers with multiple accounts?

Bureaucratic, impersonal business letters undercut the people on the front lines--in this case the personal bankers who are trying to satisfy customers and sell services. One call from our personal banker would have taken care of the "documentation" issue much more effectively than the generic, computer-generated letters we received.

If you work in the corporate office of a huge bank or another large organization, please consider this question: Why would you want to write and send junk letters to your customers, when personal bankers, account executives, and others who know the customers can handle situations smoothly and diplomatically?

Lynn
Syntax Training

Don't Work So Hard Taking Meeting Minutes

Last week I taught Meeting Notes Made Easy online. One attendee named Rhett said his biggest challenge in taking meeting minutes was facilitating the meeting and taking notes at the same time.

To Rhett and everyone else I say, "Don't work so hard!"

The meeting facilitator should not be the meeting note-taker. Two big jobs can't be done well at the same time. I watched this strained effort as a meeting attendee awhile back, when a meeting leader insisted on pausing to record notes. She couldn't write and talk at the same time, so we would sit silently while she wrote and then took up her role as facilitator again. 

Rhett said he was doing both jobs because he couldn't get volunteers to take notes at the meetings. If you are like Rhett, it's time to move beyond volunteers and start naming note-takers. I suggested Rhett state it this way: "I can't do a good job of running the meeting and taking notes, so you are going to need to take turns taking notes. Without meeting minutes, we won't have a good record of our decisions and action items." Then he could ask for a volunteer to take a turn, or simply pick someone.

Rhett and you will get more willing note-takers by making their job easy. Send out an agenda in advance so they will know what to expect. Give them electronic copies of the handouts. Give them a template to fill in, and tell them what needs to be recorded.

When Rhett is doing only one job, he will be able to facilitate the meeting effectively, and that will make the note-taker's job easier. Rhett will be focused enough to state, "I think we have gotten off topic" and to ask, "Have we made a decision?" and "Who wants to handle that action item?" His comments and questions will help note-takers recognize what to ignore and what to record.

If you are a meeting facilitator or note-taker (not both!), Meeting Notes Made Easy will give you lots of tips, strategies, and even practice to make your job easier. The next session takes place online on March 18 at 10 a.m. Pacific Time.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Noisy vs. Energetic: The Language of Reviews

I received a survey request for my feedback on a restaurant, and I noticed the categories I could pick from regarding the noise level:

Quiet . . . Moderate . . .  Energetic

Did you notice the absence of the word noisy?

I spotted it right away because I had found the restaurant noisy. But I appreciated that the survey language helped me recognize that my noisy could be another person's energetic or lively. In fact, the word made me realize that the restaurant was very lively and, well, energetic--not really noisy at all.

If you write performance appraisals, let the difference between noisy and energetic remind you to think carefully about the way you describe employees. You may at first want to describe someone as nitpicky, but a positive version is meticulous or very careful. Can you see the positive side too?

Before you characterize him as stubborn, are you certain you don't mean persistent or tenacious? And is she narrow-minded or highly focused? Is he a loner or an independent thinker? Are her plans wildly optimistic or exciting--or both?  

The language of performance reviews can inspire or dishearten an employee, so try to see both sides of a trait and praise the positive side too. When you do, employees can recognize their strengths and opportunities. Maybe he is too chatty for the accounting department but would be perfectly sociable in client relations. Your language can help an employee make that kind of connection.

If you get stuck trying to think of alternative words, try your online thesaurus or synonym feature. But double-check the meaning of any word you don't normally use. My thesaurus gave erratic, indecisive, and inconsistent as suggestions for nitpicky--not at all what I intended.

Lynn
Syntax Training

When Not to Write--An Example

I have been at home sick with a head cold for several days. Being unable to think clearly is one good reason not to write, and that is why I have been silent here. The words and ideas were not coming together in any coherent way.

There are many other times and situations not to write. I have covered eight of them in the latest issue of Better Writing at Work. (Subscribe for free.) One of them is "Don't write when you are worried that you have upset or offended your reader."

My friend Jean phoned me after reading the article "Don't Write When It Will Go Wrong." She said she was taking my advice and calling instead of writing. In her phone message she said she wanted to talk about a "misstep" she may have made with me.

I emailed back a brief message (both my head and voice weren't working) thanking Jean and letting her know I wasn't aware of any misstep.

Now the misstep is behind us. I don't even know what it was.

Had Jean written a lengthy message discussing the misstep, it probably would have cost her energy and worry. By mentioning it briefly in a message, she opened the door enough for me to respond and dispel her concerns.

If you have an example of a time not to write, please share it.

Lynn
Syntax Training

When Your Laugh = Someone's Anguish

I was teaching a business writing workshop recently when someone teased another participant about being a Southerner (someone from the Southern part of the United States). The seemingly good-natured wisecracks were about Southern food and language. I stopped the comments politely by bringing us back to the business writing skill we were discussing.

On our class break I happened to be alone in the break room with the person who was the target of the teasing. I had forgotten the incident, but he told me that he was sick of being teased about being a Southerner. He said people regularly made jokes about his Southern accent, the words he used, the foods he liked, and other aspects of Southern culture. He felt they implied that Southerners were stupid.

I bet the person who made light of Southern cuisine and language would be shocked to know he was causing his coworker's pain. He was just joking, right?

Could you or someone on your team be the joker causing pain? We often don't think about Southerners, Easterners, Midwesterners, Europeans, men, women, mothers, baby-boomers, and others as people who might not enjoy our teasing. But if others are making the same kinds of remarks, our coworkers may feel badgered, bruised, or betrayed.

This blog is about business writing, so how can I tie this important topic to writing? Well, I am certain that teasing happens in writing too. Here are some guidelines to consider:

1. Avoid making generalizations or suggestions about a group or type of employees, such as "The engineers on this project are a bunch of nerds" or "You know those Gen Yers think they know how to do everything."
2. Never make up or use a nickname that might be considered a slur. Use only nicknames people have chosen for themselves, and use them only with permission.
3. When someone says a comment is not funny to them (in person or in writing), believe them. It's not funny. It's hurtful.

Please add more guidelines or examples. I would especially like ideas about "joking" and writing.

Lynn
Syntax Training

A Tale of Two Emails

Yesterday I received two solicitations by email. One succeeded with me; the other failed.

Notice what works in this message, whose writer gave me permission to share it with you:

Subject: Visit Request

 

Good Afternoon Lynn,

 

On behalf of the Holiday Inn Seattle & Holiday Inn Express and Suites, I would like to introduce myself as your contact for any travel or meeting needs in the Seattle area.  I understand that your association may hold classes/seminars throughout the year, and I am writing to see if we can assist you with any of these arrangements.

 

Would it be possible to set up a time for me to come by, reconnect with you and drop off some goodies on Wednesday this week?  Please let me know what time works best for you!

 

I look forward to hearing back.  Thank you for your consideration and support.

Katie Snowden
Catering Sales Manager
Holiday Inn Seattle [followed by contact information]

I like a lot about Katie's message:

1. It's personal. She wrote to me, not to "Dear Sir or Madam."
2. It's brief. All three paragraphs are short and crisp.
3. It's time-sensitive. Katie wants to stop by on Wednesday with a specific purpose.
4. It's intriguing. What are those goodies she wants to drop off?
5. It gives me a specific action to take. I don't have to figure out what to do with the message.  

Sure, you may see things you want to change in Katie's message, but she got through to me. I responded within moments of receiving her email.

By contrast, another solicitation email I received yesterday turned me off. The first thing I noticed was that the writer used the Outlook red exclamation point, indicating a message sent with "high importance." To whom was it so important?

The email started with an apology: "I apologize for the intrusion." Why would a message of value to me be an intrusion? With his opening sentence, the writer suggested an intrusion I would not otherwise have felt. (Opening with an apology may be standard in some cultures, but to me it suggested a negative.)

The second sentence confused me: "I think that by adding the sort of training I offer, you will help your client to fulfill their training needs under one roof." In the second sentence, I didn't yet know what kind of training he offered, and I was slowed down by the singular "client" combined with the plural "their." And why was he talking about one roof?

A resume was attached, but not in a format I could open.

At the end of the email beneath the writer's contact information, my phone number appeared. Since someone I don't know was copied on the message, I am guessing my phone number was included for that cc'd person to follow up with me.

I admit that if I had been interested in what the second writer offered, I might have responded more positively. But I don't feel a positive connection now.

Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities (whose title inspired my Tale of Two Emails) begins with the words "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Our times may be somewhere in the middle, but it is always a good idea to send our best work, especially in sales letters.

Please share your view.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Dear Health Plan: Please Know My Name

I received a survey from my health plan this week. It looks as though it will take me about 10-15 minutes to complete and mail back to the corporate office.

Usually, I am happy to complete surveys for my health plan, and I will probably do this one because I like my doctor and am happy to rate her and her team as outstanding. But what irritates me is that the business letter introducing the survey begins like this:

Dear Ms. Gaertnerjohnsto,

My last name is not Gaertnerjohnsto. It's Gaertner-Johnston.

We all know the problem is the computer software. But does the software have to rule our lives? Is there no human being who could have checked the letter and perhaps crossed out the silly rendering of my name and written it in correctly? The initiative and personal touch would have warmed my heart.

If you know the answer to this question, please comment: Must I forever be Lynn Gaertnerjohnsto when my health plan writes to me?  

Lynn--Gaertner-Johnston!
Syntax Training

Birthday Confusion--A U.S.-vs.-the-World Problem

We have just welcomed to our home an international exchange student from the Middle East. When I read the information she included on her program application, I added her birthday to our calendar: June 5.

But here's the problem: Her birthday is May 6.

How could I have gotten that wrong? Her birthday was listed on the application as 6/5/9_. In the U.S., that means June 5. However, in the rest of the world it means May 6. 

Yet today I traveled to Canada and back. On both the Canadian and the U.S. customs forms, I was asked to provide my birthday in this format: day-month-year. Having the month-day-year habit, I had to cross out what I originally wrote and start over.

What is the solution to my confusion? A global standard that people in the U.S. agree to? Spelling out the months at all times?

I guess I will just have to confirm the date before I schedule any birthday parties.

What do you recommend?

Lynn
Syntax Training

His, Hers, Theirs, Yours--Gender-Neutral Language

I was going through some old materials I have used to teach business writing classes, and I came across a good example I haven't thought about for a while. It's from the book The Inner Skier:

"The Inner Skier chooses to confront and overcome fear. As a result, he improves not only his skiing, but also the quality of his life."

Although I read it from cover to cover, The Inner Skier did not improve my skiing. Could it have been that the book's masculine pronouns did not inspire me?

When I was growing up, it was the norm to use masculine pronouns to represent everyone. But these days such gender-based language gets in the way like a tree limb across a snowy trail.

 

You can replace those masculine pronouns five ways.

 

1. Change the pronoun from the singular he to the plural they (usually the easiest and the best choice).

Inner Skiers choose to confront and overcome fear. As a result, they improve not only their skiing, but also the quality of their lives.

2. Use you (a good choice, but it makes the tone more direct and familiar).

As an Inner Skier, you choose to confront and overcome fear. As a result, you improve not only your skiing, but also the quality of your life.

3. Use one (sounds formal--and plodding when there is more than one one).

As an Inner Skier, one chooses to confront and overcome fear. As a result, one improves not only one's skiing, but also the quality of one's life.

4. Revise the text. (My version below sounds too abstract.)

The Inner Skier chooses to confront and overcome fear, improving both skiing ability and quality of life.  

5. Use his or her (typically very cumbersome, especially when the hes and shes pile up). 

The Inner Skier chooses to confront and overcome fear. As a result, he or she improves not only his or her skiing, but also the quality of his or her life.  

The Inner Skier was published in a new edition in 1997, and I probably read the old one. So I won't blame the book for my skiing (in)ability. I simply choose not to confront and overcome my fear of breaking a leg--no matter which pronoun is used to describe it.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Dare to Be Different--Write a Letter

Near the end of the year, I read a Danny Westneat column in The Seattle Times, "Offline Deserves a Right On." I read the newspaper at my breakfast table, but you can read the column online. 

Westneat mentioned that a column he had written had inspired 700 emails and online comments in response--and one handwritten letter. He said he used to get about one handwritten letter a week. Now they average one a month.

For the handwritten letter he mentioned, he knew the writer's name and even called him on the phone to talk about why the man had written by hand. Westneat did the same thing with another correspondent.

What does that tell you about the difference between hundreds of emails and single letters?

The single letters get noticed. They are singular--remarkable, extraordinary, even odd.

Do you want to get someone's attention? Send a letter. Better yet, send a handwritten letter. It may be the only one your someone receives all month.

Lynn
Syntax Training